Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
