doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
