So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
