He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
