She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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