Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
