Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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