ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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