Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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