I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
