Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
