HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
