Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
