So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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