I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
