so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
