do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
