I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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