K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
