If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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