Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
