Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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