A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
