well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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