I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
