I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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