If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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