super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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