if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
