i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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