Your face is a jimmy john
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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