dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
