She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
