Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
two words...techno handjob
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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