Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
