Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
