Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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