so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize