champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
