He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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