Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
