Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize