My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
