when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
