get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
