He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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