Please, let me fuck your mom
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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