Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
