At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
