If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize