It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
