Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
