i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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