You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
wanna go halves on a baby?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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