She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
