C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
