i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
