when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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