She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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