OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
