My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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