she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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