If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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