dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
