So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize