i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I would ride that face into the sunset
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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