I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
