Your tits are I can't wait for
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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