having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
