you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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