So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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