He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
