you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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