if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
