i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
