Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
