Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
