Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
