i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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