I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize