The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
