i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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