i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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