Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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