Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
