I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
