I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I want her autograph on my taint
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
