that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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