i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
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