why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
