I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
