Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
