marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
