Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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