I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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