i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
