Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
