I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize