I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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