You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
