If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
