so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
