tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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