I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
