Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
