They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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