if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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