i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize