The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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