If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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