"it" just moved
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
